Lunia’s Spiritual Paths
Location: Mount Celestia / Lunia
So cutter, lend me your shell-likes for a moment, ‘cause getting from here to there in Lunia is no walk in the park. You can’t just stride down a path while you gawp at the scenery, oh no, it’s more like traipsing down a rabbit hole of spiritual mumbo jumbo. You’ve got to pick yourself one of these metaphysical highways, follow it to prove to Mount Celestia that you’re on there path to self-improvement, and then stick to it like glue.
Let’s start with the Eightfold Path. A proper slog it is, demanding a cutter to be everything from brave to bleedin’ joyful. Imagine, having to parade around with a smile plastered on your mug while you dispense kindness like it’s going out of style. Maybe that’s easy for you, but for a grumpy old githzerai like myself, I’d rather pull my fingernails out. You might find yourself giving up your last piece of bread to a stranger, or resisting the urge to punt a pesky mephit irritating you, just to show you got the patience of a saint.
Then there’s the Path of Five Virtues, now this one is a real snorefest, if you ask me. I mean, hope and moderation? Call me a Sensate, but c’mon, where’s the fun in that? You’ll be passing tests that feel like sitting through the driest of lectures, showing how restrained and hopeful you can be even when the plane itself seems to be provoking you to act otherwise.
For the brave at heart, there’s the Path of Valour, which sounds grand but entails dragging yourself through the muck to do good deeds, one after another, never endin’. Saved a kitten from a tree? Fine, now go help that old tiefling lady cross the endless river of virtues, and don’t even think about askin’ for anything in return, you selfish berk!
Now, the Path of Renunciation is for the truly masochistic ones among us. If the idea of constant self-flagellation sounds like your cup of tea, then by all means, indulge in poverty and torment yourself till your heart’s content. You might end up having to give away all your belongings, or fasting till you’re more bone than flesh, just to show how dedicated you are to the whole “suffering builds character” philosophy.
If you’re into the spiritual mumbo jumbo, the Path of Mystic Union might just be your ticket. Be prepared to meditate till your legs cramp and your mind drifts into the Ordial Plane. Here, trials might include resisting the temptation to fall asleep while in a trance, or fasting till your stomach forgets what food even is.
Lastly, for the know-it-all cutters, there’s the Path of Gnosis. Prepare to dive headfirst into ancient tomes thicker than a brick wall and sit through rituals that seem to last longer than an archon’s lifespan. Don’t be surprised if you’re asked to memorise lines of archaic texts or recreate complex rituals from memory to prove you’re a sage among sages.
I tell you cutter, each path is a trek and a half, laden with trials that’ll test the mettle of even the most seasoned planewalker. Mount Celestia’s got its own way of dealing with trespassers; stray off your chosen path and you might find yourself moving further from your goal instead of closer. But stick to it, face those dreary trials head-on, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself reaching your destination, a little wiser, a little more exhausted, and with stories to bore cutters with at the local tavern. But remember, cutter, it’s a long road to hoof it up, and Lunia ain’t giving any free rides. Choose wisely, or find yourself wanderin’ like a lost sod in the spiritual wilderness of Mount Celestia. Or follow my example and look a little bit harder for a portal to drop you just where you want to go and leave the path nonsense for the petitioners, eh?
Canonical Reference: Planes of Law: Mount Celestia [2e] p8-10
Source: Jon Winter-Holt
