Coterie of Cakes

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The Coterie of Cakes

Also known as: The Cakers, the Sugar-Addled

The Cakers are a seriously weird bunch, even by the standards of Sigil. Half brutal gang of fey tricksters, half faction of barmy philosophers, and half deliciously deadly pâtissiers, they’re responsible for a generous slice of the trouble that’s baked into Undersigil. The history of the Cakers is covered here, and the prominent members of the bakery gang here. Below, you’ll find what little is known of their sugar-addled beliefs, courtesy of a file smuggled out of the Harmonium’s Headquarter City Barracks by agent Caruther.

Harmonium Report: Threat Analysis of the “Coterie of Cakes”

Filed by: Mover III Tomis Oathmaker
Subject: Coterie of Cakes, A Potential Threat to the Harmony of Sigil
Filing Date: First Void of Nihilium

1. Overview of the Coterie of Cakes — Faction ‘Philosophy’

The Coterie of Cakes is, on the surface, a whimsical and seemingly harmless faction devoted to indulgence, specifically through the consumption and creation of baked goods. However, beneath this veneer of frivolity, their doctrine harbours disturbing philosophical tendencies that could undermine the peace and harmony of Sigil. At their core, the Coterie appears to espouse the belief that pleasure—particularly through over-consumption of foodstuffs—is the highest purpose of life. This hedonistic outlook not only encourages irresponsible behaviour but also diminishes respect for structure and discipline, values upon which the stability of our Fair City depends.

2. Philosophical Threat Assessment

The Coterie of Cakes [its members are frequently abbreviated to the ‘Cakers’] philosophy of grotesque indulgence directly contradicts the Harmonium’s upstanding commitment to peace through rigorous discipline of the self. One of their core tenets is “Licking the Batter-Bowl”, which preaches self-gratification over duty, and casting aside responsibility in favour of fleeting pleasures. Members of this ‘faction’ are taught that denying themselves even the most minor indulgence is unnatural, turning the right-thinking basher’s sense of morals on its head. It is my belief that this philosophy promotes laziness and a dangerous disdain for societal obligations. Such attitudes, if allowed to spread unchecked, will corrode the work ethic that keeps Sigil functioning and could lead to increased civil unrest. More disturbingly, their patently ridiculous claim that the multiverse is akin to a “layered cake” trivialises the complex systems of order that govern the planes, reducing existence to mere moments of gluttonous pleasure.

3. Influences and Associations

It appears the Coterie has managed to ingratiate itself with some of the more unsavory elements of the Society of Sensation. The formation of an alliance between extremist pleasure-seekers [Need I remind you of the debauched debacle the last time Children of the Vine paid a visit to the Civic Festhall?] and the Coterie of Cakes is of course based on their shared interests in hedonistic pleasure and indulgence. While the Sensates, under proper supervision, are not usually an immediate threat, association of these fringe members with the Coterie is concerning. Their combined influence could lead to increasing the size of the a factional block that prioritises chaos over duty and structure. Additionally, the Coterie has loose connections with fragmentary remnants of the Xaositects [As I have previously reported, the demise of that faction was not as complete as we had been led to believe], whose anarchical nature makes any cooperation between the two factions dangerous. Any alliance that encourages the spread of disorder in Sigil, no matter how small, cannot be tolerated.

Furthermore, it has come to our attention that the Coterie’s indulgence in confectionery has an alarming side effect: their sweets are known to cause rapid tooth decay, particularly among middle-class Cagers. It is suspected, though not yet proven, that a known fey criminal, Claggach O’Mally, and his gang of tooth fairies are collaborating with the Coterie. Claggach’s operation is believed to involve the theft of golden teeth from citizens, and the consumption of Coterie sweets exacerbates the need for dental work—thus, potentially feeding into his illegal trade. This symbiotic relationship between the Coterie and Claggach presents the clearest evidence of the criminal element hiding beneath their so-called philosophy. I strongly suspect there are others.

4. Membership and Subversive Activities

While recruitment of Cager civilians into the Coterie initially seemed harmless, I believe that this sinister faction philosophy has been deliberately designed to appeal to the weak-willed and undisciplined, while simultaneously presenting itself as harmless to the authorities. Anyone who shows an affinity for pleasure, particularly through food, is permitted to join. There appear to be no strict philosophical requirements—merely a love of indulgence and baked goods. Consequently, this lack of vetting creates an environment where subversive elements can hide within the faction, using it as a front for more nefarious activities. Additionally, the faction’s chaotic structure encourages a form of groupthink that makes its members more loyal to pleasure and indulgence than to any sense of duty to the city or its laws.

Of particular concern is the way the Coterie monitors its members for signs of “restraint or temperance,” which they view as threats to their ideology. This cult-like behaviour, which encourages excess at all costs, presents a moral and social hazard to the fabric of Sigil. There are also reports of faction members becoming mentally unbalanced from their obsession with pleasure, some suffering from fits of madness, suggesting deeper magical influences may be at play within their sinister confectionary.

5. Recommendations

It is my strong recommendation that the Harmonium keep a close watch on the activities of the Coterie of Cakes. Though they present themselves as innocuous, their disregard for discipline and duty poses a subtle but pervasive threat to the peace of Sigil. Their ties to criminal elements, particularly Claggach O’Mally’s gang, warrant further investigation. I propose we restrict their operations, possibly by limiting the sale and distribution of sweets in heavily populated areas, until we can better understand the full extent of their influence. Regular surveillance and random inspections of the bakeries may also be necessary to ensure compliance with Sigil’s laws. It is imperative that we discover the location of their manufacturing facility, which is believed to be located in or under the Hive Ward.

In conclusion, while the Coterie of Cakes may present itself as little more than a whimsical gathering of bakers and gourmands, it is my assertion that their underlying philosophy and associations are a growing concern. Without intervention, their indulgent philosophy may spread, weakening the will of Sigil’s citizens and undermining the discipline that the Harmonium strives to maintain.

For the Peace,

Mover Tomis Oathmaker

“Cake or death?”

“Uh, cake please.”

“Well, we’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush. So what do you want?”

—Marnie, the Redcap Chef

File Under: Top Secret

Response
From: Mover IV Myron Quickquill, Harmonium Office of Internal Oversight
To: Mover Tomis Oathmaker
Re: Your Recent Report on the “Coterie of Cakes”

Mover Oathmaker,

I have reviewed your report on the so-called “Coterie of Cakes”, and I must say, it’s an absolutely delightful read—almost as rich as one of these “magical pies” you keep alluding to. Fey creatures baking cakes, an utterly preposterous faction symbol, tooth fairies running wild in Sigil, and a leprechaun crime lord with a vault of stolen teeth? Well, colour me intrigued!

Now, while I’m sure the rampant criminal underworld of pastry chefs is causing sleepless nights for you, I think you may have been indulging a little too much in their “confectionery philosophy.” You mention madness in some of the Coterie members—might I gently suggest you step back from their enchanted ovens yourself? I wouldn’t want the “decay of discipline” to creep into Harmonium ranks on account of too many ensorcelled scones. Moderation, Tomis, moderation.

As for these wild tales of faerie gangs collaborating with tooth-collecting miscreants, well, Sigil has always been a melting pot of madness, but even this stretches the imagination. A collaboration between sweet-toothed hooligans and a tooth-stealing leprechaun feels like the plot of a Sensate fever dream rather than a credible criminal threat. Perhaps a long walk around the Lady’s Ward, away from bakeries and confectioners, will clear your head a bit.

In the meantime, I’d advise a more grounded approach to your duties. Keep a closer watch on the actual threats to peace—Havoc gangs, corrupt Merkhants, and undocumented rogue fiends. I trust you’ll direct your considerable talents towards more substantial concerns, and not towards some sugar-dusted faeries.

And Tomis, lay off the pies, will you?

For Order and Peace,
Myron Quickquill

Mover IV, Harmonium Internal Oversight

More on the Faction

• Once Upon a Cake — a brief history of cake
• The Philosophy of the Cakers — you are here
• Cake Cutters — the master bakers of the faction
• Cake, Glorious Cake! —the musical

Canonical Sources: Turn of Fortune’s Wheel [5e] p18-19; Sigil and the Outlands [5e] p57.

Canonwatch: The Planescape [5e] books introduced the Coterie of Cakes as a comedy ‘faction’ and I must admit my first sensation was a taste of bitterness. However, while making the song ‘Cake, Glorious Cake!‘ for them, I started to think about a back-story that made a little more ‘sense’. I hope you enjoy!

Source: Jon Winter-Holt. The Cake of Death quote is by Suzy Eddie Izzard (Dress to Kill)