Factol Hashkar’s Proverbs
Being a Collection of Factol Hashkar’s more easily-remembered Proverbs Concerning Life on the Planes
“These are, of course, abridged versions of the proverbs used on Mechanus…”
1. “Do not Forcibly Propel All of your Fragile Ova which you Regard as your Property, Especially Toward a Single Wicker-work Receptacle which is Probably Ill-Equipped to Contain your Entire Supply of Such Comestibles, Taking into Account Volume, Variation in Volume and of Course Fragility.”
2. “A Singular Grouping of Repetitive Motions Involving the Dexterous Manipulation of a Sharpened Metal Length Incorporating an ‘Eye’ (term used advisedly) into its Basic Design and a length of Vegetable-based Thread at the Propitious Temporal Location Remedies the Possibility of There Being a Need For Nine Such Groupings of Repetitive Motions.”
3. “The Act of Explaining the Functions, Purposes, Application and History of any Particular Given Activity or Set of Activities Is as Valuable A Usage of Time As The Attempt by Patient Tuition And Rigorous Instruction to Cause The Mother of One’s Mother (or Father) to be Versed in the Internal Clearing of An Item Resembling or Existing as A Fragile Ovum By Means of Inwardly-Drawn Gases.”
4. “It is Advisable to Refrain from the Planning and Practice of the Premeditated Examination, Evaluation and above all Renumeration of All the Domesticated Avian Life-forms Not Exceeding Two Feet in Height Which one Regards as one’s Own Property, with All Rights thereof, Prior To a Reasonable Temporal Interval when All such Avian Beings can be Said to have Reached a Satisfactory Level of Maturity Demonstrable by the Emergence of Immature Domesticated Avians from their Fragile Ovulatory Casings.”
5. “A sizable Quantity of digitally Gifted Extremities (Preferably within the Interval 15>h>5, where h represents Such an Extremity or Quantity of Extremities, and the Other Values denote the Preferred Interval) can be Said to Possess, Induce or Introduce the Quality of altering a Given Task set before a given Individual, in Such a Way that the Task can be Accomplished in a more Expedient and Efficient Manner, allowing a More Profitable Expense of Time, Thus attributing the Quality of ‘Ease’ or ‘Lightness’.”
6. “It is more advisable to associate oneself with a fiend (and especially a baatezu) with whom one is familiar in a business transaction or political manoeuvre than with one that one does not comprehend or with whom one is less familiar.”
7. “When Considering the Merits, Causes, Consequences and Further Consequences of a given Circumstance or Set of Circumstances, it is Truly Stated by the Populace at Large that Relief or Reprieve from the Stresses, Tribulations and Taxes of such a Circumstance or Set of Circumstances, no matter how Small, could well be Considered an Event or Collection of Events that One should regard with Gratitude, Appreciation and All Due Respect for One’s Fortune.”
8. “The Practice or Contemplation of Practice of the Examination of the Oral Cavity of an Equine or indeed Equinoid Animal with the Intent of Ascertaining the Age of the Equine or Equine Animal by the Examination, enumeration and Evaluation of its Dental Capability could well be considered Impolite, Paranoid or Indeed Foolish when one takes into Account the Fact that one Received said Creature at no personal Cost Whatsoever.”
9. “An Avian or avianoid Organism, whether Domesticated, Wild or Feral, even if in a Quantity of size One, when held or otherwise Restrained in a Digitally Gifted Extremity, can be Considered to be of greater Worth than an Equal or even Greater quantity of such Avians which are stored in a Hedge, Topiary, Bush or Ornamental Shrub, when one Considers that in the First case of Affairs the Avian or Avianoid Organism is in fact in one’s Possession, whereas in the Second Case the Avians are in no-one’s Possession, especially one’s Own.”
10. “In Many Cases, when Considering Capabilities afforded the Recipient, a Plausible Hypothesis has been posed by Knowledgeable Biologists (citing the Ettin and the Aoskian Hound as examples) that when Considering Matters of a Capital Nature, to whit those Concerning the Brain, Cranium and all Relevant Sensora Apparatus, that a 100% surplus in that Particular Faculty can be said to be more Desirable and indeed Superior to the Standard Requisite amount.”
11. It has been hitherto maintained in a vernacular and dialectic form that there is nothing that is so peculiar as sentient beings, and it has subsequently been rationalised and deduced by rigorous induction that this is indeed the case.
12. “When One finds Oneself in a Position in one’s Existence that Denotes that one’s entire Strategy may in fact possess a Flaw or Number of Flaws, when dealing with a specific Problem which in all Probability is Embodied in an Adversary or Organisation of Adversaries (by which I mean an Organisation devoted to subjecting a given Group’s existence to adverse Conditions, rather than an Organisation devoted merely to Adversity, such as the Xaositects), and that such Flaws could threaten one’s Well-being or continued Existence, it may be considered Advisable to discard one’s present Strategy, whether Temporarily or Permanently, in Favour of a different Tactic, Resembling more closely the Modus Operandi adopted by one’s Adversaries.”
Here’s what those Proverbs really mean, in case you were having difficulties…
- 1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
- 2. A stitch in time saves nine.
- 3. Don’t teach your grandmother to suck eggs.
- 4. Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.
- 5. Many hands make light work.
- 6. Better the devil you know.
- 7. Be grateful for small mercies.
- 8. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
- 9. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
- 10. Two heads are better than one.
- 11. There’s nowt so queer as folk.
- 12. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Source: Phil Smith and Alex Roberts
