The Song of the Vine
A boisterous drinking song of Arborea’s Children of the Vine sect. Audible glamer by Jon Winter-Holt, adapted from a poem by Phil
| Download the mp3 here: https://mimir.net/wp-content/uploads/song_of_the_vine.mp3 |
The Song of the Vine
Gather ’round bubbers and lend us your ear,
We’ll sing of the drinks from planes far and near!
We’ve tasted ‘em all, we’ve downed every cup,
So here’s to the planes, and the bub that we sup!
Lift your tankards, your goblets, your jugs and your bowls,
And toast to the Vine, for we drink with our souls!
Avoid Acheron! Have you not heard the news?
It’s chock full of orcs, who’ve drunk all the booze!
They call it Beastlands ‘cos you can never find a pub!
Just loads of talking animals, who don’t drink bub!
Bytopian beer packs a double-layered kick
Take our advice: two pints will make you sick!
Try Elysian nectar if you’re seeking joy,
It’s goodness distilled, and sobriety destroyed!
The Gray Waste’s a place where drinkin’s a folly!
It won’t pick you up, just make you melancholy.
If you’re in Arcadia, stay off the gin!
They execute drunks ‘cos the strong stuff’s a sin!
I say skip the Abyss! It’s best to pass through,
The plane’s so evil that the beer drinks you!
Mount Celestia’s got some heavenly soma
But if you’re a tiefling it’ll put you in a coma!
Gehenna’s no place to go and get smashed,
Unless you like wine that tastes of volcanic ash!
Arborean bub’s made by elves and Greeks,
Ambrosia so strong, you’ll have a headache for WEEKS!)
Taverns in Limbo have a slaad way of thinkin’!
But be advised: you won’t know what you’re drinkin’!
Ysgardian beer might give you the rage!
The bub’s so strong it makes you rampage!
Baator’s prices for bub are unfair,
It’ll cost your soul for a pint of beer!
Mechanus? Forget it! Just stay away!
They only let you drink at certain times of day!
Pandemonian bub is hallucinogenic!
Makes you paranoid and schizophrenic!
Carcerian bub tastes exactly like muck,
If it’s labelled “farastu” then you’re out of luck!
Outlander beers, you won’t be astounded
Just like the plane, are very well-rounded!
And finally Sigil, now its bub’s the best!
A cut above the others, better head than the rest!
It’s the mix of the multiverse, poured in your cup,
No matter what the flavour, here you can sup!
So raise yer glass high in the City of Doors,
Where every last sip’s worth fighting for!
