IMPORTANT INFORMATION:
If you suspect you have received an ash mephit from an enemy,
please consult this guide to the Lower Planar Mephit Code.
Imagine a chorus of endlessly whinin’ grumblers, each more miserable than the last, and you’ve got the right picture. There’s somethin’ almost tragicomic about them. For creatures made outta the ash and soot of the bleakest plane, they’re shockin’ hosts.
They’re like that lonely relative you’ve got, the one who invites you over for tea and biscuits, then treats your ears to a marathon of complaints. Don’t get me wrong; you’ll get your belly full, and a roof over yer head. Aye, they offer all the niceties, but at the cost of yer sanity. You’ll be fed, but you’ll feel emotionally drained. They’re the kind of hosts who’d complain about the very food they serve ya, mind you. “Oh, this? It’s too bland, too ashy, too—everything!” But don’t you dare try to chime in with yer own gripes or sarcastic jabs. Nah, that’s a one-way ticket outta the sooty social circle.
Why are they like this? Maybe being made from the detritus of a realm as cheery as a tomb leaves ’em with a world-view that’s all doom and gloom. They’re not just downers; they’re like the physical embodiment of a sigh. I’ve heard some scholars think these little critters are easier to make than other mephits. If that’s true, then it’d be like the Inner Planes saying, “Well, I could put some effort in, or I could make another Ash Mephit.”
So, if you find yourself in a pinch and in need of some shelter in the Plane of Ash, an Ash Mephit’s den ain’t a bad stop. Just remember: Leave your own complaints at the door, sit back, and enjoy the sad symphony of moans and groans. And maybe bring some earplugs. You’ll thank me later.
Some examples of ash mephit complaints, just so you know what you’re letting yourself in for:
- “The winds, cutter! They sweep in and mess up me burrow. As if it weren’t a chore already to keep any place in this dump tidy. I mean, why bother?”
- “You see that rock over there? Too pointy. The one next to it? Too round. Nothin’s ever just right here.”
- “Ash Zombies? Don’t get me started. All they do is stagger around, moanin’… Oh, the irony! Still, it’s not like they’re good conversationalists. Just a drag, really.”
- “Remember the Chaos Storm last week? No? Well, I do! It came, it went, and left me in an even worse state than before. Oh, and it nicked me favourite pebble. The nerve!”
- “You see that portal to the Plane of Fire over yonder? Yeah, it’s all glowy and whatnot, real attractive. But no one comes back this way, do they? It’s a one-way trip to ‘somewhere better.’ Bah!”
- “Soot Snakes? Not even dangerous. All they do is slither around. I once stepped on one, poor thing went all puff. Then it came back together! Like, make up yer mind, are ya dead or not?”
- “You think Ooze mephits got it bad? They’re just slippin’ and slidin’, not a care in the world. Meanwhile, I have to stay solid! Do you know how hard that is?!”
- “I met a Dust mephit once,. Kept tellin’ me how miserable their existence was. As if they have a monopoly on bein’ downtrodden!”
- “Air Elementals! Floatin’ about like they’ve got no cares in the world. Have they ever tried existin’ on the ground, in the grind of it all? Course not! Lightweights.”
- “Once met a Prime, fresh out the portal, wide-eyed like a kid in a Sigil sweet shop. Asked me how to survive here. I says, ‘Don’t.’ Then he went and found a gate back home. Quitter!”
- “Some berk tried to sell me ‘prime water’ the other day. Prime water! What am I supposed to do with that? Dilute meself?”
- “I’ve heard tales of folks meetin’ genie on other planes. Genie! Grantin’ wishes and all that! What do we get? Salamanders. Not exactly wish-fulfilment material, eh?”
- “Visitors from the Plane of Earth sometimes drift over. They go on about how dense and solid their home is. Dense is right, but not in the way they think!”
- “You ever meet a so-called ‘Ash Mystic’? They reckon they can divine the future from siftin’ through the cinders. Yeah, well, I divined me breakfast from ’em this mornin’, and it’s nothin’ to write home about.”
Enjoy. Or don’t. What’s it matter, eh?
Canonical Source:
- [2e] see Planescape Monstrous Compendium Volume 1 here
- [3e] see Monster Manual 1, p132 for mephits, but OF COURSE they missed out the ash mephit, because EVERYONE always ignores us
- [5e] see Monster Manual, p215 for mephits, but OH LOOK they missed us out YET AGAIN, honestly I don’t even know why we bother existing some times. But at least we got some love on 5esrd.com, it’s better than nothing I suppose. But no pictures. Rude!
See Also: Parlez-Vous Mephit?, the mephit code, language of Lower Planar diplomats and wizards.
Source: Jon Winter-Holt, mimir.net
