Ver’s Planar Dog Show
This year’s location: Sigil / Clerks’ Ward
What’s your way, cutter? Lady’s Grace, you look like you’ve been chased down by hell hounds! Oh, you were… Well, I sure have an idea how to cheer you up. Tell me, do you perhaps wish to see man’s best friend in a more friendly environment?
With all those pet panthers and monkey familiars and other crazy animals that roam the planes it can be easy to forget about the humble dog. Sure, they may be not the most impressive or powerful of beasts, but they have something else going for them. When humans, ever so eager to find companionship in other species, first came to Sigil, they’d already been living together with dogs for many thousands of years. I know many of my ranger friends will baulk at that, but I consider dogs to be animals best suited to serve as pets for almost any race. Just ask the baatezu… ah, sorry, I forgot about your encounter.
No matter! My name is Ver Dachshund (prime shifter human ranger [she/her] / Athar / N(G)). No, the surname is purely coincidental. And no, having a werewolf as an ancestor doesn’t help me in dealing with dogs, if anything it makes things worse. Well, speaking of dogs.
It ain’t often that I visit Sigil. Its atmosphere is quite unpleasant for animals, and, frankly, for me too. I own a kennel on the Outlands, not far from Excelsior, but my partners and friends make their kips all throughout the planes. However, every year or so I come to the City of Doors to host my dog show. I’ve booked a hall in the Clerks’ Ward, not far from the Civic Festhall, so I’m hoping for a strong showing from the Sensate this year.
Now let me run you through our exhibits. We evaluate our competitors on an individual basis, taking into account their health, looks and necessary qualities of their breed. We don’t allow certain dangerous breeds like Abyssal pitbulls, protean xolo, hell hounds or yeth hounds (Clueless should really stop calling everything “hounds”, it’s getting confusing), so you don’t have to worry about infernal abominations jumping at you. Well, except for one, but trust me, he’s a good boy. I’ll be honoured to lann you some chant, as Cagers say, about my pride and joy, the dogs of the Great Ring. Much like humans or dragons, dogs too can be altered by planar energies. Enthusiastic dog handlers such as my good self have employed this fact to create brand new dog breeds, uniquely suited for use on the Outer Planes.
Celestian Shepherd
Chant goes, these dogs were created by Ahura Mazda himself. While I personally do not subscribe to such speculations, it is undeniable how popular they’ve become on Mount Celestia, especially in the realms of Hindu and Slavic powers. Celestian shepherds look like other shepherd dogs with black fur and yellow underbelly, yet they are distinguished by one feature—two yellow spots right above their eyes. These spots look like a mundane quirk of coloration, but they are in fact a set of sensory organs of sorts. Celestial magic that flows through them allows these shepherds to see invisible and polymorphed things as if they had truesight. Testing new pups for this ability is essential, because those without it will not be approved for further use in breeding. As expected for creatures native to the Heavenly mount, Celestian shepherds are intelligent, obedient and friendly, but they are by no means docile. Their teeth have the properties of cold iron, which makes them uniquely suited to fight tanar’ri.
Elysian Retriever
Meanwhile, up at the top of the Great Wheel, Elysian retrievers can be found in practically in every village on the banks of the River Oceanus. They are large, friendly dogs with beautiful long golden fur. Elysian retrievers make poor hunters, and they’re pacifists—I’ve never heard of one seriously biting anyone. See, they were bred to be companions, lifesavers and healer dogs. Fisherfolk use them to pull up heavy nets, guardinals employ them to sniff out fiendish corruption and rescue the berks on the shores of Thalasia and Oceanus. Not only that, those dogs can actually heal creatures. Just by laying next to an injured person they can effectively innately cast healing magics. Most can only manage one cure light wounds once a day before getting tired, but the finest specimens might have more powerful magic. Elysian retrievers are very independent-minded, and they can disobey direct orders, if they see someone who’s in need of help. But they are intelligent enough to understand their broader tasks, and as such are perfectly fit for complex occupations like, say, adventuring.
Ethereal Collie
While we don’t usually have much call for Inner Planar dogs out here, I couldn’t ignore Ethereal collies. They’re among the most intelligent dogs, that can still be considered dogs. Ethereal collies were bred by the Etherfarer Society and can be taught many tricks ethereal planewalkers will find useful, like subsisting on ethereal proto-matter or shifting between the Border and Deep Ethereal with their fantastic ethereal direction sense. But their most impressive ability is sniffing out creatures throughout the Ethereal Plane—even those who are located in the border regions of the Prime or the Inner Planes. They can run many miles in pursuit of their goal, and then will circle around it in the Border Ethereal, unseen. You ever get that feeling that someone just alked over your grave? That’s probably an ethereal collie running zoomies around you! Ethereal collies are very self-sufficient and can end up being smarter than some of their owners. However, they do require regular physical and mental activity and constant training and teaching. If you don’t have a ready supply of ethereal enemies to track down, you can easily substitute it with sport. This year, my dog show features Sensates doing freestyle dance with their collies. I’m sure you’ll be impressed!
Garmian Bulldog
It is said that those bulldogs count Garm, the pet dog of the Norse power Hel herself, among their ancestors. Like all bulldogs, they have a stocky build and a powerful jaw, but their fur is always exclusively grey. Saliva hangs from their cheeks in strands—watch out for that cutter, it can be toxic to the living! Garmian bulldogs are immune to the draining effects of the Gray Waste, including most diseases of Oinos. Many of them are infected with rabies. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt them, but it can still be transmitted by their bites. Denizens of Niflheim train Garmian bulldogs to fight and to hunt both beasts and people. Many Lower Planar bashers enjoy watching their cage fights. Now don’t think this mean they are somehow inherently evil—only that they are strong and powerful fighters. And maybe just a little bit destructive if they get bored. However, Garmian bulldogs don’t require long walks and tend to be quite phlegmatic. So, maybe buy one for your grandma—just don’t forget to you might beed restoration magic in the case of unwanted diseases.
Hell Husky
While hell hounds are native to hot environments like Phlegethos, hell huskies can be found in cold climates from Stygia to Krangath to freezing layers of the Abyss. Unlike their fiery cousins, hell huskies’ fiendish heritage isn’t so apparent. Sure, their red eyes have strange malice in them, and their mouths look a bit like they are twisted in a grin, but overall they look like normal grey-and-white dogs. And, perhaps uncharacteristically for fiends, this does reflect their slightly less hostile nature. Hell huskies are sled dogs first and foremost, and denizens of the Lower Planes second. They have powerful claws and little spikes on their feet that help them to climb even the rugged cliffs of Cania and Gehenna. Huskies can easily survive even supernatural cold, but they need to eat a lot. And be warned, they can easily turn on their owner, if they deem them too weak. Or at least the poorly trained ones might… Others simply wander off to fend for themselves. And fend they do—hell huskies are expert hunters, and they compliment their physical strength with a chilling howl, that quite literally chills you bones [ie. does 2d6 cold damage, save for half]. Fortunately, not all hell huskies are disobedient, and with firm owner they respect (or fear) they can be made into good pets. Just be prepared for a long and arduous journey to get there.
Pandemonian Spitz
You probably wouldn’t believe me if I said you that those tiny, fluffy toy dogs are related to hell huskies. Pandemonian spitzes are most notable for their barking—or the absence thereof. See, whenever a Pandemonian spitz barks, it creates a 20-feet sphere of silence around itself. A legend says some power of madness and spite had cursed an incessantly barking spitz to be eternally silent. Those powers, always trying to attribute others’ achievements to themselves… Pandemonian spitzes are energetic, mischievous and unless trained properly will constantly bark at anything they see—not that poor Bleakers of Pandemonium are opposed to that. Moreover, spitzes have a supernatural hearing (some call it truehearing) that pierces both silence and winds of Pandemonium. And even if you don’t need a magic silence dog, you will surely appreciate how adorable they look, especially when their fur blows in the wind!
Techichi
Bred by the followers of the Aztec (or possibly even the Maya) pantheon, techichis are somehow uniquely adapted to travelling through Mictlan, the planar pathway connecting the realms of Aztec powers. These dogs are tiny and immensely cute with perky, triangle-shaped ears, and they are covered in long fur. Their eyes glow with soft red light in the dark, which can be both convenient and a little bit haunting. However, once a techichi steps onto the Mictlan road, it grows to its real, large size. Its thick fur protects it from the shards of Ocanthus, and its glowing eyes chase away the gloom of the Gray Waste. Techichi accompany Aztec petitioners on their journey to their realm, protecting them from predators and helping to pass through rivers and mountains. Any adventurers, who wish to hop onto the Mictlan, should try and borrow one of these little guys. Just be careful—poorly-trained techichis can become disobedient and agressive, and I recommend you find this out before your pet grows to the size of an elephant.
So that’s that—I hope I’ll see you tomorrow at the show. This isn’t nearly the end of what we have to offer—we got Aoskian hounds, Molossus of Arborea and even mountain dogs from the Plane of Ice. Perhaps you’ll find a new best friend to take home with you…
Source: Margarita. Mythwatch: techichi are inspired by a real extinct Mesoamerican dog breed that filled a role of a psychopomp in Toltec and Aztec religion. ‘Four-eyed dogs’ are known as supernatural in many cultures from India to Siberia. Canonwatch: All characters and dogs described here are homebrew.