The Laughing Hardhead
One of Sigil’s less reputable bards sings his very last song, about the Hardhead who scragged him.
Audible glamer by Jon Winter-Holt
Download the mp3 here: https://mimir.net/wp-content/uploads/The-Laughing-Hardhead.mp3
The Laughing Hardhead
I know a Hardhead basher,
He’s always full of cheer,
You’ll see him around Sigil,
His laughter you will hear!
He scrags barmies and cross traders,
With glee he makes the call,
The more they kick and holler,
The louder does he bawl.
He’s laughing through his teeth,
He’s scragging every thief.
He finds it all a lark,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
When you’re up to something dark.
He strolls around the Market Ward,
His armour shiny bright,
The knights they cower and shiver,
At his maniacal delight.
When the Guvners pass their judgment,
And the Red Death brings the pain,
He chuckles in the courtroom,
He’s laughing like a drain!
He’s laughing through his teeth,
He’s scragging every thief.
He finds it all a lark,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
When you’re up to something dark.
He chuckles on the job!
Knights of the post he’ll bob!
He’s grinning all the time,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
When you’re planning any crime!
Some say he’s lost his senses,
That he’s barmy in the head,
For who could laugh so heartily,
At folks who end up dead?
But he’s still stalking Sigil,
With his laughter and his grin,
And every time he cuffs a berk,
The madness starts again.
He cackles like a hag,
Perhaps he’s turning stag?
He finds it all a jest,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
When you want to cause unrest.
So if you’re in the Lower Ward,
Or wandering the Hive,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
Who thrives when you’re unwise.
His laughter echoes through the streets,
A sinister, eerie tune,
When he cackles after anti-peak,
It’s heralding your doom!
He giggles on the job!
The poor old addled sod!
He’s gone beyond the brink,
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
He’s madder than you think!
His laugh is getting meaner!
His grin like a hyena!
Don’t end up like me!
Beware the laughing Hardhead,
Or you’ll meet the leafless tree!
(Inspired by ‘The Laughing Policeman’ [1922] — with apologies to Charles Penrose — which in turn was inspired by ‘The Laughing Song’ [which was a number 1 hit in 1890!] — with apologies to George W. Johnson)
