Holding Out for a Hezrou
The notorious marilith Boney Tylar’ri sings of her latest (failed) attempt to conquer Baator, and why she’ll be changing her choice of troops in future… Audible glamer by Jon Winter-Holt. (With apologies to Bonnie Tyler!)
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Holding Out For A Hezrou
Where have all the balor gone, where’s my tanar’ri might?
Where’s the hulking brute I need to lead this endless fight?
Isn’t there a fiend out there with strength that’s pure and raw?
I’m burning with ambition, I’m ready for Blood War!
I need a hezrou, I’m holdin’ out for a hezrou to sign up and fight!
He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be cruel, and he’s gotta bring chaos and blight!
I need a hezrou, I’m holdin’ out for a hezrou, it ain’t much to ask for?
He’s gotta be fierce, and he’s gotta be vile, and he’s gotta be into the Blood War!
Wading through the River Styx, hunting for the beast,
Something dark and terrible to make my foes deceased!
There in the forgetful mud, I hear their guttural croak,
Perfect for my army’s ranks, the destruction they’ll provoke!
I need a hezrou, I’m holdin’ out for a hezrou to sign up and fight!
He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be cruel, and he’s gotta bring chaos and blight!
I need a hezrou, I’m holdin’ out for a hezrou, it ain’t much to ask for?
He’s gotta be fierce, and he’s gotta be vile, and he’s gotta be into the Blood War!
I can sense the power, the hatred in their veins,
And I’ll bind them all to my will with my demonic chains!
I’ll lead my hezrou army and they’ll crush the enemy,
And then I’ll rise above them all, to Blood War victory!
Through the lower planes we march, the hezrou by my side,
We storm the Hells, Avernus quakes, with our chaotic tide!
But as I lead my fiendish force, a cunning plan they weave,
My hezrou turn, and with a snarl, it’s ME that they deceive!
Who needs the hezrou, they were integral to my schemes,
But they’ve turned on me, in mutiny — my plans are shattered dreams!
Who needs the hezrou?
The sodding hezrou.
Not me!
