Scholar Mimir

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The Sects

Copyright 1998 by Lots of Bloods, edited by Jon Winter

Reckon you've been Given the Laugh?

Ever thought philosophy was a little...dry? Think again, cutter...there's plenty of things that cutters think that'll make you laugh out loud. Below you'll find a selection of just a few of 'em...

Feeling inspired? Want to add your own amusing sect to this page? Please send it to


The Downguard [The Fallers] (by Greg Jensen)

Gravity is a constant throughout the universe. Things fall down, matter attracts matter. The more matter there is, the more gravity. The problem is, throughout the planes, many powers, layers, and realms have tried to give gravity the laugh. The Fallers want to restore gravity to the planes as a constant instead of having laws of gravity that would never make sense in the Prime. Their biggest pet peeve seems to be Sigil...which is why the Downguard is unwelcome in the Lady's birdcage under any circumstances. Still, Factol Newto'on (Prime / male human / M14 / Downguard / LG), former Guvner, wants to make Sigil's gravity make sense.

Principal Plane of Influence: In the Outer Planes, the Downguard prefer Carceri, since its orbs fit their gravity beliefs. Fallers are especially common in the titan Crius' realm. Downguard can also be found on Bytopia occasionally, studying the point where gravity shifts at Centerspire.

Allies: The Athar admire the way the Fallers are trying to make the powers accountable for something, even if it is something as trivial as gravity. The Guvners also would like to see the laws of gravity apply everywhere.

Enemies: The Doomguard, for some reason, see the Downguard as a satire of their own faction, and don't think it's funny.

Benefits and Restrictions: As a curse and a blessing, Downguard must always obey the laws of gravity as they see them, regardless of what the plane they're on says gravity should be. Of course, this means they fall right off of Sigil, which suits the Lady just fine. Gravity is much more predictable for the Fallers, and they don't have to make checks when gravity "shifts." Of course, seeing a member of the Downguard clinging to the surface of Shurrock, trying not to fall into the sky, can be darkly humorous.

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The Fraternity of Mu'urphie [Luckers, Murphies] (by Robert Gould)

The Fraternity work on expanding the compendium of master Mu'urphie's laws. Since these are the only real laws of the multiverse no matter where you are in Mechanus, Limbo, the Abyss or Bytopia these laws are always there.

The compendium was started by a Baatorian Blood War general, nothing less than a pit fiend. This blood noticed that everywhere he went some patterns always repeated themselves. Little things, like the butter side of toast always landing on the floor, or just one sock of every pair you own always going missing. So he went to the Guvners, but they didn't agree with his -- in some way arbitrary -- laws, and he left with some of his followers to finish his compendium the compendium of Mu'urphie's laws. Now he is still the high up of the sect though nobody has seen him for about fifty years; they guess that the portal he always took to his home shifted right when he needed it the most and he was stranded somewhere on the planes.

Primary planes of Influence: Any and none -- wherever you go you'll have trouble and if we build a hall or kip there's bound to be a disaster as soon as it's finished, so pike it.

Allies: Why do you want allies if they'll turn stag when you need them the most? Anyways the bleakers are allies with them as are some guvners once in a while...

Enemies: Why worry about a few people if you've got the whole multiverse against you... ?

Sect Benefits: They can alter a persons aura so they'll have bad luck. They can do it as often as once per level, but it only lasts one turn per level too. They can do this, but not by magical or psionic means, it's just a really strange loop hole in planar laws so magic resistance won't help you. To save a check against polymorph means that the aura change has no effect on the berk.

Sect Hindrances: They are constantly affected by bad luck so if something can go wrong it will -- and if many things can go wrong the worst will happen. In game terms they have bad luck trait.

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The Path of Least Resistance [Slackers, Parasites] (by Greg Jensen)

"Look at that berk! Gets up every morning to go work for a nagging wife and 4 ungrateful kids. Goes home and works some more. And for what? To see his life slip away. Where's the fun in that?

"What's that? 'There's more to life than fun?' HAH! What barmy talk is that? If there IS something besides fun in life, it ain't worth my time. I'm way too bust slacking off to notice. That's right, slacking is hard work. It takes courage and conviction to be a full-time slacker. That's why we call our sect the Path of Least Resistance. That's what you should take at all times. If you don't feel like doing something, it probably isn't worth doing. Just relax, let other people do the work for you. And never let them take your precious slack!"

Principal Plane of Influence: The Astral, where time flows erratically, allowing you more time to slack off. No sect headquarters exist as yet, but members claim they'll get around to it any day now.

Allies: The more degenerate members of the Society of Sensation often see eye to eye with the Slackers. The Bleak Cabal also admires the fact that they see no purpose in life's struggles (although they disagree that "slacking off" is the purpose of existence).

Enemies: The Fated see the Parasites as weak-willed cowards, and want to see the sect's ideas eliminated. The Harmonium also finds their ideas and disrespect for authority offensive.

Eligibility: No lawful or good members of the Slackers exist (those cutters just have too much sense of responsibility to join). Other than that, anybody who doesn't want to work for a living can join up.

Benefits: All members of the Path are immune to priest spells from the sphere of Law (automatic save). Any Slacker has a percentage equal to twice her level to find a useful item nearby or have somebody do something for them they need done, usable once per day.

Restrictions: Slackers can never own a business or hold public office unless they can somehow convince someone to do the work necessary for them. Their lazy and manipulative attitudes are aggravating at best, and all have a -3 to reactions.

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The Pismals [Planescape mailing List, Featherheads] (by Jeremiah Golden)

The Pismals started off as just a few berks using astral streaker to pass philosophical ideas and chant back and forth. Eventually as there numbers grew though and their history was forgotten; this new sect started thinking that the whole reason the multiverse is still going is because of their messaging system. They say if a message doesn't fly by astral streaker that day, the next we know the multiverse will fold up on itself!

The messages on this so called list are usually informative, giving a cutter the latest dark or giving him an idea were to search for it. Some times though there's huge debate wars, were the astral streakers are flying themselves almost to death.

The sect is run by a council of three called the 'Moderators'. Wintery Noj (Planar / male marraenoloth / T12 / Pismal / NE) so called 'Guide to the Mimirs' one of the oldest members of the sect. Arnsak Tonz (Planar / male githyanki / W7 / Pismal / LN) with the title 'Scribe of the Index' and ruler of the astral Pismal headquarters. And NekPilak (Planar / male salt mephit / F6 / Pismal / CN) in charge of astral streaker breeding (and eating occasionally).

Principle Plane of Influence: The Astral, home of the astral streaker. The Pismals have a headquarters set up here on the floating corpse of the dead god Empeegin. On this isle the streakers seem to flourish and breed.

Allies: The Primals actually coexist well with most of the factions and sects, as anyone can join there astral streaker list, even someone of another faction. There are quite a few Pismal Guvners on the list for example.

Enemies: Some of the Doomguard actually believe the Pismals saying their keeping the multiverse going, and are working on ways to take down the list. Kylie, Autochon, and the rest of the couriers and touts don't like the Pismals a lot either, mostly because anyone can use the Pismals astral streaker network to send messages and items, and for no jink.

Benefits and Restrictions: The major benefit of belonging to the Pismals is because anytime any new chant comes out, you find out, and you find out fast. Pismals by sending a query to the list, have an 85% chance of getting back an answer with the dark. Pismals, because of there belief that the list lets the multiverse continue, must send at least 5 messages a day via astral streaker to the list. The bad part about this of course is you need and astral streaker handy at all times, and unless you can find away to take it with you adventuring, that means your stuck at home.

Consult the Mimir Again

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