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Barmy to the Spire
Fourth Clerk of Accordant

February 25th, 2000

 

Barmy Spotlight of the Week
Yochlol

From: Monstrous Compedium II, page 112.
About: Yochol are the handmaidens of the demona queen Lolth, who's only a few letters away from being the sneakiest webiest manipulator this side of Gehenna, and act as the power's agents, spies, and general sods to lounge around the realm so it looks lived in and a personal paradise to the queen. In their unnatural state the Yochlol appear for all the multiverse like tall pointy eared ladies with opal white eyes and a tendency for dark clothing, while in their natural state they resemble lumpy tentacled masses with one crosseyed eye and quite possibly a pinkish texture to the skin- hide- well, outside covering- from the titan sized embarrassment of being seen without something trendy and gothy on.  They're also found in a few other shapes, being sometimes seen as a large sleek spider that would give anyone the ooga-boogas, and they're of course never seen very well at all when taking the form of a large gaseous cloud, which won't be commented upon. Though technically the Yochlol are tanar'ri, we won't hold that against them, and in fact deep down they're nice amorphic metamorphing lump of rock gals, who just want to get on with life and maybe write some poetry involving spiders. What the Yochlol do as handmaidens to Lolth is still a bit confusing, besides the general manipulating everyone part, but it's assumed by most that they hang around and knit weby dark frilled handkerchiefs, which they always have on hand in case someone has a spot, we'll call it happily splattered red paint by a overenthusiastic barmy, on their face or need a good sneeze into a hanky.
Barminess:
They're barmy handmaidens to the dyslexic gothic power of spiders, Lloth.
Quote: "Here, you can borrow my hanky. Depressing isn't it? That's right dear, have a good sneeze into it. I know this barmy old world would make anyone sad. Handy thing I was here, eh sod? Now, let me tell you again how miserable you are, shall I?"
Likes: Large fuzzy black spiders as pets. Kicking around other abyssal fiends and smiling daintily while they hand them a nice hanky for their tears, the chaotic wimps. Dark clothing, dark tattoos, dark jewelry, dark darkness, you get the idea. Nothing makes them happier then shutting their eyes and pretending the whole world is a stylish dark colored place, that is before they trip over a bone and have a unstylish black eye, of course.
Dislikes: Living in the Abyss, it's not very stylish and dark and gothy at all. In fact they've started a petition to get the whole realm moved to Pandemonium, where there's more spiders, darkness, and barmy run gothic coffee houses. For some reason they dislike the color red immensely, even though it's commonly associated with spiders and fiends, and it's quite possible this has something to do with it leading to the color pink.

Barmy Bonus:
Yochlol Poetry to have you Laughing out Loud in Dismay.
If you think of poetry as random spoken syllables that make you want to cry but at the same time have a catchy rhythm that makes you click your fingers, then we barmies hear poetry all the time. And while there's nothing like a bleaknik to give you good poetry while beating or strumming on something that used to be some critter, the Yochlol have angst riddled poetry down flat and stuck in a web. This is the kind of things that happen when you give some paramortal fiends some spare time, a nice dark blanket to curl up in, and a quill.

I Feel Like an Eight Tentacled Angust Lump

Eight, Hate, Eight, Hate
Tentacles dangle useless
An eye sees the sodding multiverse
I have a branch growing in my ear
Lumpy, lumpy, nothing
A clucking feathered wastrel perches on the branch
A mess, a mess in my ear
Eight tentacles thrashing, drip, drip

An Abyssal Dismal Daisy Dirge Penned While Waiting In a Line At Fell's Tattoo Parlor a Little Before Anti Peak. 

A dark spirally tattoo on my face
To look upon it with the eye

A dieing sun in the night?
A web of infinities in darkness?
A downward spiral to bottomless depths?

The sods they say,
A daisy it looks like to the eye
A bloody pretty daisy flower tattoo on my face!

 

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All content copyright 2000 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.