What's all this barmy stuff?
Want to find out what has been forgotten in the Styx?
Not enough barminess for you?
Barmy Spotlight of the Week
From: Uncaged: Faces of
Sigil, page 92
Sitting here in a little room after waking up outside Curst, waiting for whoever dragged me off to stop cackling on the other side of the door and come see me, I find I'm homesick for the Spire. Why, the times I spent laying on the the grass with the butterflies on my head, and watching the Brain Storms float past...
"So there me and that sod Blray, who says cause hes a stinking goat man he
cant share his bottle of drink, doing what we do every day in this sodden tiny village in
the shadow of the bloody spire, which is get drunk, when all of the sudden all the hair on
me goaty friend here stand up on end. Barmyest thing I'd seen all year. But then, there's
this fog appearing in the distance, blocking out the site of the bloody spire, which never
happens around these parts. And then suddenly I start getting these ideas in my head, and
I shout "Cor! I've got a grand idear" and then everyone's running around saying
they have an idea. Fogs been here a bloomin week now, everyone still running around saying
they have an idea, bloody fun really, though the occasional brain matter ooze falling from
the sky does get on yur nerves."
"My brethren, I fear our esteemed power Ilsensine has gone to far. Creating
these 'Brain Storms' to scour the Outlands, and use, yes use, not eat or assimilate human
brains to its need, but actually use them in forming its plots and goals through the mind
of these villagers! And when its done its work, it lets them return to there daily lives
so that it can come back next week! But what's far worse, is these ideas these storms have
returned, "Turn the blood war to are use by handing out lolly pops to the
fiends" and "bend the Lady to are will by sending her a complimentary set of
knife sharpeners"? These ideas are ludicrous, and a dishonor to the minds that have
been used to create these storms..."
The Brain Storm, also known as the Thought Fog, Barmy Winds, Wit Weather, or Cerebrum Cyclone, is one of the newest creation of the brain god Ilsensine. Designed around the concept that mortals occasionally have bright ideas, the storm visits certain small villages on the Outlands (It's one attempt at taking a gatetown, Xaos, only ended up giving the inhabitants a slight headache, and the storm had rains of frogs for weeks), and for up to a week psychically contacts all the minds in the villages to find new plots and tactics for Ilsensine to gain in power. Up to now, the plots gathered have not been feasibly successful, though the fiends did say they enjoyed the candy before they ate all of the Illithiads handing it out. Ilsensine still hopes for that one idea in a million though, and the Brain Storms do give somewhat reliable reports on what's happening on the Outlands.
The Storms appear as medium sized banks of fog, usually only about 300 feet in diameter, just enough to encompass a small village. From a distance its a deep gray with the occasional flicker of pink within, and up close within the cloud itself, it appears as a light fog with the occasional whole brain or gray ooze matter falling out of the sky, and usually bouncing back up to the cloud. The area within the cloud is usually hot, with a large amount of static in the air. Those unlucky enough to get caught in a storm usually don't notice this anyway, as they usually have more important things on their mind, like how an army of giant squids could invade Set's temple.
Barmys, as can seen by this site, are good for society, causing cheerful anecdotes and giving everyone a person to laugh at. But, when you have a barmy wizard, trouble can be wrought, important people getting turned into frogs or blasted where-there-bits-land-in-other-planes. A perfect example of a barmy wizard going to far, is the Gateward Gate spell. But then, we're barmy, so here it is.
Obviously a dangerous spell, it luckily requires some major planning to cast, thankfully allowing only the most barmlly dedicated wizards to attempt it. The components of the spell consist of one acquiring drawings of both the gateways, paying at least 80 jinx for high quality portraits, and then spending time traveling between the two portals showing them each others pictures, sending flowers and chocolates to each, and convincing them they really belong together. Once this is done, then the spell can actually be cast within seeing distance of one of the gates.
Chant goes there's an even barmier and frightening version of this spell, Major Gateward Gate, that can be cast on any gates anywhere, not just on the same plane. Though the spell has never been confirmed, reports have come in from various planes that archways and doorways had been seen dragging themselves along major pathways, and hitching rides with planewalking adventurers.
All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.