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Barmy to the Spire


Second Low of Savorus

June 13th, 1999


Misplaced Spirits

Background: Every year Yen-Wang-Yeh, Judge of the Dead, is called away from his Palace of Judgement to see the Celestial Emperor (when they usually throw a big party and get smashing drunk). On this day the Palace is on its own, and things tend to get mislaid. One such thing is a bottle of razorvine wine (year of the frolicking foo dog) from Yen-Wang-Yeh's personal wine storage, accidentally "mislaid" into the hands of a low ranking guide in the Palace, Frothy Servant Lee (Pl / m.gif (886 bytes) Human / B3 / N). Now, Lee getting bubbed would normally be reprimanded by a high-up, but with Yen-Wang-Yeh not there, the whole bureaucracy is in a flutter, and Lee's free to sit and drink half the bottle down.

However, the person he should have been keeping an eye on and guiding around, a petitioner newly arrived to the Palace named Golden Noon Radish (Pe / Half-elf / W2 / NG), is about to take advantage of the situation. See, the placard hanging around her neck that she got when she arrived reads "Golden Noon Radish - Bound for Arcadia", and well, she doesn't want to go to Arcadia much. So, with Lee bubbed out and no one else to notice her, she easily picked up a bottle of ink and crossed out "Arcadia" on the placard, and wrote "Sigil" above. Hearing that Sigil was the land of opportunity, she figured that would be the best place to go. So when Lee finally escorts her to the room of portals, its Sigil the clerks send her too. Its only afterward, painfully sober, that he figures out Radish has pulled the slip on him, and managed to steal his bottle of wine while she was at it. Very nervously aware that its all his fault and heads will roll, Lee sets out to Sigil to reclaim both spirits, the petitioner and the bub.

1. Bumping into the Bubber. The PCs get involved in the adventure shortly after bumping into Lee just after he's exited a portal from the Palace. Still slightly hungover, he appears as a small nervous man with gawky ceremonial robe and twisting a strange hat in his hands. He sticks out of the common Sigilian crowd like a bebilith in a cradle. If the PCs approach him, he tells them his tale and begs for them to help him, saying he's after a "petitioner named Golden Morning Radish, she's a um.. elf, defiantly pointy ears I think.. and about oh, 5 feet high, wait maybe 4.. she was a bit dumpy I think, wait no tall and straight... maybe red hair?". Being a bit bubbed when he saw her, Lee can't give an accurate description over, but he does know she'll have a placard hanging around her neck, saying her name and that shes going to Arcadia. If the players ask around a bit, they'll hear that a woman with "a gawky placard around her neck" was seen heading towards the Hive.

Lee's not the only one whos after Radish though. The chants gotten around about a petitioner loose in Sigil, which has sparked certain peoples interest. The Dustmen, since obviously a half-way inteligent petitioner (unlike your normal deader) would love to track her down and find out what makes her tick, so they've sent an agent after her, one D'delly (Pl / f.gif (872 bytes) Tielfing / F3 / Dustmen / LE ). The other faction after Radish are the Meryckillers, wanting to track her down and bring her to justice for giving the Judge of the Dead the laugh. To this end they've sent a Justiciar called Tallyhoho (Pl / Half-elf / W3 [Invoker] / Mercykillers / LG). Both are hot on Radish's trail when the PCs manage to track her down in the Hive.

2. Chase through the Hive. When the PCs find Radish shes standing at a take away restraunt ordering a double curry sandwich, but when she spots the PCs she grabs her bag and takes off for the crowd. As she jostles her way through the crowd and down the streets, PCs in persuit and both D'delly and Tallhoho nerarby following them, a number of things can happen in the chase before she evnetually leads them all back to the Gatehouse, where she has been staying with the Bleakers. Below is a list of possible encounters that slow the PCs down as they chase her through the crowd.

Glass Wall. A merchant wizard in the crowd is trying to sell a window cleaner made from alkilith spit to a pair of githyanki, and casts Wall of Glass in the middle of the street to prove his point, wiping off a spot. Just as he does though Radish slips past, and the PCs ram right into the wall, shattering glass everywhere, and leaving some very disgruntled githyanki.

Moving Dabus. Some dabus or moving a couch across the street as their going to tear down the building it was in, and their moving it across the street as Radish comes along, who jumps over it. The PCs either have to jump over it or try and go under, and either way the dabus flash them with some insulting pictures above their heads, further blocking the PCs view of the escaping Radish.

Bleaknik Band. Some Bleakniks are putting up a bit of a party in the middle of the road, which actually clears the street of traffic. Unfortunately a Bleaknik harp-playing stone giant with the band is in the middle of the street, and unless the PCs want to fine them flayed on some taught-strung harp wires, they best slow down and go around very carefully.

Spilled Potatoes and Things. A bit of an accident has taken place, and pony pulled cart full of gray waste potatoes had collided with a Dustmen pulled cart full of corpses. The results have made the street into a pile of soft gray potatoes mixed with fingers. The potato merchant is insisting that he'll never get the the potatoes clean again, and the Dustmen are insisting its hard to have a funeral with the honorary has a potato stuck up their nose.

3. A Petitioners Fate. After the PCs finally avoid all the hazards the Hive has to offer, they eventually just glimpse Radish winding her way through the crowd leading up to the Gatehouse, her placard flashing in the peaks light as she disappears into the looming gate. When the PCs eventually talk their way into the Gatehouse, a bleaker will then quickly listen to what they want, and eventually a tall half-elven women with a placard around her neck will be brought forward. When asked who she is, she'll offer a quick exclamation "A radish my good spoon-handle!", and if Lee is with them he recognizes her as the elf-tall-possibly-chubby petitioner, and a search through her pockets brings forth an almost empty bottle of razorvine wine.

Though she is obviously not Radish (she's actually a Bleaker named Rasurba (Pl / Half-elf / R2 / Bleaker / CN), who the other Bleakers think needs a bit of fresh air), but she obviously does have the placard around her neck, and that's what's important right? Just as this is creeping up on the players, the Mercykiller and Dustmen agents show up, demanding for the bleakers to hand the petitioner over. Depending on how the PCs argue, Radish (Rasurba) can either end up going with the Mercykillers (and thus Lee, and back to the Palace) and eventually a nice quiet out door vacation on Arcadia, or spend an exciting couple of weeks with the Dustmen before their interest dies out.

Either way she gets a couple of exciting weeks away from the Gatehouse, Lee gets the bub back so he can fill it at the nearest pub and return into the Palace wine storage (which is what he was really after, as dead people come and go but a razorvine wine of the year of the frolicking food dog is one of a kind), and the PCs, well, they just bugger off with a job well done. And finally, Radish (the real one) eventually does move to Arcadia to live with a well endowed merkhant, and takes up an interest in formian music for bleaknik purposes and opens the first Arcadian curry shop.


Second Guild of Savorus

June 10th, 1999


This week for Laughs, Giggles, and Cackles of the Planes we have the sounds of some ferocious creatures from Mechanus and Baator, in fact one of them's still biting into my leg. So beware as you listen to the laughs of the Quadrone, Parai, Moigno, Imp, and Hell Cat!


Second Market of Savorus

June 9th, 1999


Next week is the super special Astral Week, to commemorate summer, so we're going to coast through this one while we brainstorm that. So in the spirit of such coasting, we bring you....

Coasts of the Multiverse
The Best Beaches to Visit this Savorus

Planewalk along with hosts Miak and Otum, straight from the Gatehouse, as they gibber and dance madly about the hottest Coastal areas of the Oceanus, Styx, and even Ossa! Looking for somewhere to vacation this summer? Tired of the bloody humidity up there in Fire? Then these are the places to visit for you!

South Oceanus Riviera
The beautiful South Oceanus Riviera is home to the biggest celestial nightlife this side of the great ring, snuggled as it is between the great river Oceanus's banks as they  flow through Amoria, Elysium. The town consisting of a loose collection of small wooden huts, most of the activity takes place outside on the nearby beach, where Cipher children playing with dolfins or Guardinals basking about in shorts and swimsuits is a common site. Not as totally relaxing as Release from care farther up the river, South Oceanus is an almost constant party of excitement, the clestials coming here taking a break from do-gooding and doing things for fun even a fiend wouldn't try.
Miak and Otum Recommend: Alvana's Cabana, which provides the best drink and juices in town all mixed by Alvana (Pl / f.gif (872 bytes) Ardiedal Guardinal / NG) herself. And for no extra charge, those getting a bit to happy with the drink get picked up by the avoral waiters and dropped in the river. The sobering experience of being picked up in clawed feet and the river approaching you as you fall towards it head first can't be described.

Anemone Isle
A small island in the shallow sea of Ossa, Arboria, this beach is not known as much for its perfectly soft sand or crystal clear waters as it is for the creatures that make it there home, a group of giant sea anemone, sponges, and barnacles. Everywhere a traveler looks can be seen the towering tentacles and brightly colored fins, both rising out of the shallow sea and on land. Elves and greeks gather here peacefully, togas and long silver hair both being a common site flashing throughout the water. A fair number of eladrin also gather to fly about in their glowing forms and skim through the water. Also appearing here and there between the diverse crowd is a crew of githyanki led by a captain called Gyly'gn, stranded here after their astral ship slipped through a color pool, and they haven't tried very hard to get back.
Miak and Otum Recommend: Some of the giant anemones here are large enough to hold a person, and their slow sucking imitates the soothing feeling even the spas at the great Gymnasium won't give. So grab a drink and hop into one today, we recommend the blues spotted ones for best results.

Black Sands
A place of deep black sands on the Gray Waste, the beach here is part of the ever winding Styx. Unlike the rest of the rivers course though, the charcoal like rocks here filter out most of the waters harmful effects, only making swimmer forget their worries, enabling them to have a really great time. Often called the fiendish resort, Black Sands finds all types of fiends swimming and frolicking on the beach, the waters effects letting even tanar'ri and baatezu forget their feud and swim together. This of course means this is one of the few places on the lower planes where a sensate can just hang out without worrying about ending up eaten by something. The Sands all has a special corral for night hags to leave their larvae, but this also means one will most likely see a night hag in a bikini touring the beach, not an experience everyone wishes to make.
Miak and Otum Reccomend: Sc'onep (Pl / m.gif (886 bytes) Piscoloth Yugoloth / NE) is a regular at Black Sands, not to swim or drink, but to scour the sand of the beach looking for for seashells, sand dollars, and misplaced items (and with everyone forgetting, there's allot). Those forgetting anything best look for him, and while their at it take a look at his other hobby, majestic sand castles and creatures made of the glistening black sand.

Bubulan takes the place as the most interesting beach in the Multiverse. An air pocket on the plane of Water so large people can walk around inside it, with a sandy surface imported from Earth only slightly bobbing as people stroll across it. No building or construction can be built on the fragile surface of the bubble, so the eye is clear of any obstructions, only seeing the smooth white sand curving around. Taking a swim is as easy as brushing aside the sand beneath ones feet, then taking a jump into the air and diving right through the bubbles membrane out to the crystal clear water beyond. Though usually one can walk and swim without anyone else around, the marid, tritons, merman, and nereids often come here to bask on the sand and dip their feet in the water, things normally not often felt on the plane of Water.
Miak and Otum Recommend: If you're stopping in the Bubulan, be sure to check out Eisig's Frozen Bits cart. Eisig (Pl /m.gif (886 bytes) Frost Giant /F6 /NG) is a funny looking bluish Frost Giant from the nearby plane of Ice who stomps about in a paper hat yelling for people to buy what he calls "cones of artificially colored synthetic snow with sugar on". People seem to enjoy it, and it's rather funny to see the hulk lumbering around with a little white cart with bells on it selling his snow to the tourists.


Last Week's Chant

All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.