What's all this barmy stuff?
Want to find out what has been forgotten in the Styx?
Not enough barminess for you?
On nice bright days at the Gatehouse, it's fun to take out the old soapbox and see what the people have to say about things. That's what it's about, it is, the public voice. Without the public voice, we'd be mindless masses! Ehem. So. The public voice was speaking gibberish today when I went out to listen to it answering my questions, those being, "Why on earth does it exist? What's the sodding thing for?" The sodding thing, being, the Gatehouse. It's big, it's imposing, it's got bars so big that any five fat sods can hop between them, while holding hands. I've seen that, too... rather scarry. Mmm. So, from my nice little box, interviewing the nice little voice of the public, we present... Creation Myths: The Gatehouse.
"Oh, the Gatehouse. That's where you have to knock when you're
coming through into Sigil, I remember when Aoskar had to call up. They
yelled "Who goes there?" and he said "Aoskar!". So
they opened the big bars, and there he went. Right in."
"It keeps the barmies out."
"It keeps all those sane people in the asylum, and us nice and
"The Gatehouse, oh. That's where all of the gates live, of
"Some cutters call it home, some cutters call it hell, some call
it none, some call it all, some call it this, some call it that,
"That's where we go when we retire."
"T+ <a haa pile of hats> W + <a wig> T + <a bale of
hay> <a castle> <an olive> t + <a set of garden hoes>
<a pub> + <an arrow pointing at the dabus> + s. <a scar>
<a screaming lady> P + <lacy underpants>, t + <a
"That's where naughty little children go! That's right, you'd
better be good, you! Little Larrisa, you put that whip down, right now, or
I'll send you right off with the barmies!"
"It is the gate and portal to the Mazes. You are the
gate keeper, and I am the gatekey holder."
"Er, isn't that where they serve soup, and play chaos
with the mind?"
Ooze is like molasses, it slowly, drip by drip, oh so slow, almost like the slowness of reading this, oozes to its destination. And with that in mind, we provide a wonderful story of Ooze, practically an epic of oozey proportions, a manuscript that we accidentally let get stuck to the bottom of are nice boots and just found, though were sure that just mucked the ooziness in more. The tale Of Fish, Gnomes, and Posh Clothes gives an in-depth look at the Gnome Home of Ooze, a daring grandfather and loveable child that set out to catch there dreams in the muck. It had me in tears and fits of laughter I can tell you, and that wasn't just because of the fumes from the ooze on my boots.
Barmy Spotlight of the Week
Factol's Manifesto, page 36.
"Right, mister, here's how it works. <This a snotty little kid with a mean look and oversized spiral tattoo that covers more of his nose then anything else> I see Tollysalmon jumping around singing like mad, she's practically got spittle cumin out of her mouth, and she's splashing around and spraying feathers everywhere. Then she leaps off into the crowd, and starts using her oogily boogly mind control powers on some fat bloody pigeons, s'right, while they sit there are fluffed up listening to some lady singing. Where in Sigil is Barmy Tollysalmon? Bet you can't guess you... berk!"
"Your na suppose to use the naughty cant, Rojy! <This a small cute little one with a stuffed ursinal fluffy doll> An Tolly's at the Singing Fountain, I know cause I've was there. My turn! Mmm. I see the pretty Tolly all dressed up in a nice bwu dress, an, an she's dancing around outside and there's lots of jugglers and people in pretty costumes and stuff. Where in Sigil is Barmy Tolly, an, an, salmon?"
"Oooh, fish, fish! It's fish, in't Amie? <This, a small boy in the back of the room that had been introduced as "Barmy" Taummy> She's not at the Hall of Fishs! Waz, wait, mmm, she's at, mmm, Barmy Run Run?"
"Quiet Taum! It's obviously the Festhall, even a fhourge brain like yooou should know that. <This a small aasimar girl with pig-tails, named Solina>"
At this point we had to cut the game short, as Taum started gnawing on everyone's legs and the whole heap of them decided to get in a pillow fight. The feathers flew I can tell you, and getting hit by a ursinal doll hurts, ouch.
All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.