What's all this barmy stuff?
Want to find out what has been forgotten in the Styx?
Not enough barminess for you?
Lady's Grace you berks, barmys, and bubbers! The Planescape Mush, which you'll be hearing more about here since I'm one of the barmys whos managing it, has opened its doors! Portal over to the site, and send in a character application. I'll see all you there!
Some classic barminess today (It gets better with age sod it!), in the ever crazy link: Factions, Sects, and Cow Ownership.
Though my trip at the walking tower was short, I did manage to grab a spellbook, I had to have something to read while I was going mad in the basement, and some of the spells are quite amusing.
Truly an ingenious spell, when cast on a portal it causes a quick wind to come from it, carrying the single aroma of frying bacon. The smell can not be blown away, and spreads far, allowing any intelligent being to fallow the smell back to the portals location. Truly, the bloody smell has an almost unlimited range, capable of causing whole pains to stink until the spell comes to and end.
A planewalker wizard created the spell to allow adventures to avoid a portal, and lure hungry fiends to it. At least, that's what the more dignified wizards say about it, others say he used it to lure an adventuring acquaintance of his who always made him eat greasy things with lumps to a portal leading to a really nasty layer of the abyss. And the wizards with the real chant say its a bloody stupid spell and get out of there tower and stop asking them questions sod you very much.
The material component of this spell is a piece of jerky or bacon.
The sound of a bog can be quite interesting. The slow plop-plop of bubbles as they rise from the merky depths, the slithers of snakes and other things as the scurry around, the chirps of birds and slowly swaying of the trees, and of course, the sound of the stench.
I, luckily, was in a prime position to take it all in, lying in the muck, my head barely above the surface. I watched bubbles slowly form in the scum around me, grow large, and then, watch as they slowly popped, a sort of imploding and exploding at the same time as the gases were released, and the bubble collapsed on itself.
I floated there, and grinned. It had been really fun, posing in Tradegate as a lowly wizard who was down on his luck and needed to sell his tower, the Merkhants grin as he paid me thrice less then what the tower was worth. And then hiding in the towers basement while the new owner snuggled smug in his new bed. But oh, how he woke when the stench of Semuanya's Bog met him in the morning!
Marching up the stairs and grinning madly at him was probably mistake. But then, the fall out the highest tower window when he picked me up and threw me out had been to exciting, ending a slow splash as I landed slowly in the surrounding bog.
That must of been hours ago, the Merkhant some how convincing the tower to take him out, though I doubt the tower will play with him for long. I'll have to meet up with it again, the list of fun I could have with it, haha!
The list however of fun things to do in a bog is staggeringly short, and I had already used most of them up. Making mud celestials by waving my arms that slowly filled back in with a gloop, and even pretending to be a log for awhile and letting the local frog population hop over my head. I guess I'd have to get up, and go find something barmy to do.
Heading directly toward the spire, and always useful navigational feature, it was just past three sink holes and seven lizard man totem poles, before I came upon an interesting scene.
In a small clearing, clearing in a bog meaning a place where it stunk like a Nalfeshnee's stomach because there weren't any trees to hide behind, stood a small half starved githzerai, clothes made of things I'd rather not mention, and yelling at the top of his lungs.
"... take back Curst! They dare to shun me from my chance at squabbling for power like the rest of them! How can I, an Anarchist of the first measure, take down the structure of an overruling power when I'm stuck in a place where everything's rotting apart by itself and smells? So I say, arise my army!"
What I didn't see in the clearing was an army of any kind, not even any lizard men, and trust me, I know what an army looks like, why, I could tell you about some of the armies that chased me out of some layers...
Grinning, and holding my nose, I walked into the clearing, "Greetings fellow spawn of an overbearing society! Up with Anarchy!"
Looking startled at first, then smiling as he saw me, he again started yelling at the the unforseen army, "See my Brethren! Already unexpected allies come to join us! I ask, how can we lose!"
Walking closer to the man, I finally glimpsed his army behind a fallen log. Thousands of lizards where piled up on top and around each other, from geckos to iguanas to types I could identify. I beamed, now here was someone even barmyer then me. Everyone knew you couldn't possibly take over Curst with an army of a bunch of lizards. You needed some snakes for calvary.
Grinning at the assembled lizards and the anarchist, I started to outline my plan.
All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.