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Barmy to the Spire

 

Second Hive of Mortis

November 12th, 1999

 

Barmy Spotlight of the Week
Hollyphant

From: Monstrous Appendix Compendium II, page 50.
About: Hollyphant's are the messengers of those powers of the upper planes, and it explains allot of powers that their first contact with mortals or worshipers is in the shape of a small, golden haired, white winged elephant. Needless to say, it can be a bit hard taking Thor seriously when he sends one of these little guys to tell you about his big festivity coming up. That said, aren't these guys the cutest thing ever? They whoosh about the upper planes, and are often found quite frequently on the prime, buzzing around trumpeting the news to the power's worshipers. Their trunks, while not only really silly looking when their all curled up at the end, are also more deadlier then a green steal sword with spiky bits on both ends. Blasts, drums, sparkles, these little guys can shoot anything out of their trunks to ward off evil berks, I wouldn't even be surprised if they could pull rabbits out of there. If I was an evil berk, I can say that a small flying elephant shooting rabbits would scare the Baator out of me. They also tend to stick close to any adventurers that make their way on the planes, as mortals obviously need looking after, and who better to keep the powers eye on them then the inconspicuous hollyphant?
Barminess: It's a barmy fluffy flying elephant that is a messenger of acute goodness. 
Quote: "Honk-sputter-blunk! I great thee! Thy message hath arrived."
Likes: Messages that rhyme and have a nice rhythm, they never get a chance to practice their musical talents, as powers usually have short messages like "Surrender mortal!" and not snappy poems.
Dislikes: Trumpet Archons, those celestials going around blowing their little horns makes a hollyphants wings shudder. The joke, "Why can a hollyphant fly?", the last person to ask ended up eternally getting pecked by ravens and chained to a floating rock. Powers love a good joke... and dislike people messing with their messengers.

Barmy Bonus:
Messenge in a... small fluffy elephant.
Hollyphants are always about delivering messages, often verbal and sometimes more then one at a time. Needles to say there are allot of hollyphants buzzing about the place, and many more messages to be delivered, and thus there's always hollyphants talking to all kinds of people, whether on power business or just gossiping about their latest messages. Bellow are just a few of the messages we've heard hollyphants passing to and fro in our visits to the upper planes, and it's not like it's eavesdropping when the hollyphant practically shouts out its message from the powers in its trumpety voice. Just roll three times and you have a fluffy hollyphant message!

Fluffy Table of Hollyphant Messages
Power (d8) Does to (d8) Who (d8)
1 "The all mighty and powerful Thor... ...commands you to travel to Bytopia and have a large cabbage meal with... ...a hollyphant."
2 "The bright and shining, she who is a bright star, Ishtar... ...is in a most holy and righteous war, thought they still have tea occasionally of course, with... ...Tsadkiel, tome archon of wisdom and justice."
3 "Mishakal, goddess of healing and good,... ...wishes to smite those unbeliever Athar for going and putting paintings of evocative nature on the temples and doubling the power's worshipers, and has decided to deal with by making a proxy of and sending... ...a group of mortal heroes, who get to have a special hollypahnt each to protect them, and tell them even more gossip!"
4 "He of noble fangs and moonlight hunting, the great Wolf Lord... ... orders you to go forth to the fathomable depths of Baator, step lightly past 'loths and 'lethes, travel the uncountable layer of the Abyss, then make an epic recital and tell it to... ...you, Hahahaha!!"
5 "Marduk, ruler of Marduk, he of Mardukyness,... ...wishes you to come to their realm, partake of a giant feast in your honor, drink to your noble deeds and doings, and then as reward of your great undertakings allow you to serve a hundred hundred years in service of... ...a barmy at the gatehouse, the one who likes sock puppets, drools allot, and has a phobia about tables."
6 "The beautiful queen of faeries, Lady Morwel...  ...plans to, of course in in the form of a beautiful glowing being of appropriate race and gender, seduce and send flowers to... ...a guardinal, hopefully one of those stuffy ursinal ones that sits around in a cottage writing about old books and knows lots of interesting tidbits."
7 "Loki, trickster and voted one of the powers to have the most fun playing with mortals,... ...just got done smiting, and generally cursing about and throwing a temper at... ... Factol Erin Motgomery of the Sensates."
8 "Platinum dragon of good, favorite of hollyphant affections even if he does get grumpy, Bahamut...  ...has grown tired of sitting around in a dusty realm with boring petitioners, and so has taken a nice sabbatical and left in charge of the realm... ...the Lady of Pain. Really!"

 

 

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All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.