What's all this barmy stuff?
Want to find out what has been forgotten in the Styx?
Not enough barminess for you?
Factor Whitney's Umbrella
by Tom Bubul
Another fine day at the Courts, my dear Sruce - and I have stumbled upon the dark of a most curious object. Factor Whitney, you know, squat little man, was wandering up and down the steps of the Courts carrying a most curious object. As you know, and I don't mean to point out the obvious at you, Miss Sruce - it was raining figurative cats and dogs.
Now, as I was saying. Up and down the steps of the Courts walked Factor Whitney - a friend of yours, perhaps? - with this object, ever so curious. It was a newspaper he had folded into an ever so curious sort of sailor's cap, which he referred to as his umbrella. Note, in my past experiences with rain and umbrellas, I have found that the rain is liquid and that the umbrellas are slightly conical, with spokes radiating from a point at the top. In this case, of coarse, it was raining figurative cats and dogs - though the curiosity came in this peculiar sailor's cap, this umbrella. It was folded in such a curious way that it made my eyes roll in their sockets, looking for the side that fit the description of "up". At a point on it's top, up and down all switched places. The humorous cartoons in the paper swapped places with the Faction Extractions.
What was curious about Whitney was that he was soaking wet, giggling like an idiot, under this umbrella that didn't seam to work at all. Upon closer examination, it appeared that beneath the umbrella, the rain was falling upwards off of Whitney. In the vicinity of this umbrella, this unnatural, mathematic juxtaposition of up and down confused the rain. Where it puddled on the ground nearby Factor Whitney, it felt suddently compelled to fly back up, or down, as it may be, towards the downward-faceing face of the umbrella. Barring the obvious fun one can have by putting one of these bizarre umbrellas outside of a beehive, imagine the implications of surfing on one in the gravity well between Bytopia's layers.
Another fine story from those barmies at the Barmy Shorts Company, this time diving into the strange world of Regulus, a city who's order might be more barmy then seems. Follow the story of a young mathematician, who like all his kind seeks comfort in the calculation and infinity of Mechanus, even if he tries to seek it out only in his house. Wind yourselves up and read, A Night Around and Around Regulus.
Quite a treat for you today, yes, what ever cutter wants as a gift under their leafless tree, some jokes! Laugh madly as you read these cutters, if for nothing else then the entropy of madness. Lose your mind, sharpen your wit, and distill the air with these bits of comical anarchy.
"Chant says that the
Anarchists and Indeps are plotting together, know why?"
"I say, I say, what do you
get when you starve a Guvner?"
"Prithee, if the Doomguard
guard the doom, assume, whoom do they guard doom from?"
"What do you get if cross a
bariaur with a bladeling?"
"Right, I say, I say, why can't
you hang me on the leafless tree?"
All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.