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Barmy to the Spire


Third Void of Catechism

August 21st, 1999


Modrons make good chefs. Yes, I know you probably don't believe that, but it's true. The precision need in cooking is perfectly done by a modron, even if they occasionally drop bolts in. Moignos however, do not make good cooks. Especially making spaghetti, it just doesn't work. One story however tells of a modron and a moigno who got together to make pies, and took the Cage by storm.This is their story, the storty of  Baking with 25BII. Now go bugger off while I finish eating this nice Gatehouse soup.


Third Low of Catechism

August 20th, 1999


The adventures of Merj and Smoat continue, this time with thrice the barminess! Since we've seen are faithful barmys last time, they are still stranded in Baator, but have managed to meet all kinds of interesting people, like: The Cornugons Bl'arg, Spikey, and Paartali, the Kocrachon Mr. Pokey and his victim Scum, and a whole range of other fiends and slaves from Dis! The Barminess continues, with Merj and Smoat now stuck on the layer Minauros. What will happen to are barmies? Tune in next time on BttS's RPing Logs! For now, check out the three froody logs: The Singey Streets of Dis, This is the Gatehouse, Yez?, and Oh Yes, More Torture Please. And as always, these can always be found in the Features section with all the other barminess.


Third Hive of Catechism

August 19th, 1999


Chapter 1:
And the March Began

Background: Something has happened to Primus, no one knows what thought it might have to do with some power blowing their nose in the wrong direction, and the barmy modrons have decided to march early! And with all such noteworthy events, someone must be there to see them march, to make sure it goes down in history, or otherwise its just some barmy boxes walking around that can be safely ignored. This is where a small magical item in Sigil comes in, who might have the dark on why the march has started early, and a way to make the mess their about to make in Automata actually make a difference in the Multiverse.

1. In Sigil. The PCs are walking through the streets, they need not be together, when an awful music comes jutting from a nearby building, sounding like old gears squeaking and a clawed hand on a chalk board. Though running away from it might be a good idea, the sound doesn't lessen as the PCs move, and the only way to stop the bloody racket is to actually find out where it's coming from, then barge in and demand they stop. If the PCs do so they come to a small kip, the area around clear of normal cagers, and it's door unlocked. Inside they find a bed and a workbench, and sitting in the middle of the room, a strange book on a stand and a large cat sitting on it. The PCs shouldn't worry about those buggers though, because as they enter the music stops and something jumps down from atop the doorframe, bonking one of the PCs with a metallic bang.

The creature, sometype of mechanical goblin, jumps down on to the book stand, pulling the tail of the cat as it leaps out of the way, and grins as it plops down on the book. In it's hands looks like some type of small mechanical violin slash horn contraption. It says to the PCs, "Oh dear, I had no idea that would be so painful for you. Haha! I bloody well did, and you deserve it too!" With it hops about a bit, and if asked why it was playing the awful music, it says "Too bloody get you here of course berks! Think some fiend is gonna stop from turning me into a flat tin can if I go out in the streets?". The little mechanical goblin is named Gob (Pl / magic item / N), it appears to be goblinish shaped, only about a foot and a half high, and made of enough bolts and riveting to make a modron blush.

When the PCs eventually tack it down to the point of why it wants to speak to them, it grins, and says, "Oh noble adventurers, I seek your... right! we bloody well need you to go witness the Modron March, no point in erupting in the middle of town a hundred years early if their's no one there to watch eh? Er wait, I didn't tell you all that, sorry. Right, Oh noble adventurers, I beg you to return me to my creator in Automata - the bloody idiot he is, you'd think the berk could remember to take me with him eh? - and return me, oh noble ones." It seems the little goblin 'has contacts', and knows of the early march that has yet to begin. If the PCs take him up on the offer, he tells them of a portal to Automata - in the back of the shop is a strange hoop that acts as the portal, with the gatekey of a small bolt.

2. Automata Rumbles. Once the PCs get to Automata, it only takes a little asking around to find out that everyone's looking for Hiron "Give it a personality and it'll be as good as new" Hohnson (Pl / rilmani / M13 / N), Gobs creator. It seems that both the Council of Order and Council of Anarchy are after him, ever since he designed some intelligent ink pots for them (even anarchy has to do allot of paperwork), and the bloody things decided to spray interesting spots all over the office walls. Now he's in hiding somewhere in Automata, and no one has any idea where he is. Luckily Gob has a good understanding of his creator, and can figure out where he is with only a few false starts. Eventually he leads the adventures too a small closet in the Council of Order building, where Hiron is hiding.

When the PCs open the closet door they find Hiron stuffed inside, his back bent to cram into the small space. He is a rilmani possibly, and appears dressed in some strange clothing with a small capered hat. When he sees Gob, he invites the PCs into the closet, saying that he has cast a spell to enlarge it's width. He's obviously a bit barmy, as he's definitely crammed into the closet. He starts to thank them for returning Gob, and explaining about this little misunderstanding with the councils, when a pair of council thugs (who followed the PCs) swagger into the place.

Dressed a bit stiffly in tight plate armor, their faces barely poking out of the chain mail, they bang their pikes on the ground and announce, "Al'right you lot, were from the Council Of, and were here to take Hiron in, or else." When asked who they work for, they respond "Oh, generally Council Of you know, whichever ones paying us at the moment.". The thugs are just about to grab Hiron and begin the difficult process of extracting him from the closet, when the floor begins to rumble. Gob giggles mechanically as the shimmer increase, and yells out "There here! Finally someone to talk to besides you bloody boring humans!"

3. There here. The Modron March is here a 100 years early, and it looks like they really want to get some power jogging in this time (A 12 foot waistline is a bit of an eyesore ya know). They erupt out of the gate, and just happen to decide to pass right through the Council of Order building, punching a hole in the wall as they storm in past the PCs. Hiron and his ink pots are forgotten, as the modrons are about to make a much bigger mess. The guards rush off to try and keep order, Gob gos on about 'wanting to talk to the high-up', and Hiron himself starts muttering about how an intelligent 8 foot wide scrubbing brush would solve everyone's problems. The PCs are forgotten, that's gratitude for ya, and only come out of the deal with having seen the great Modron March start early.


Third Market of Catechism

August 16th, 1999


Everyone's favorite barmys, the quite rilmani Merj and the talkative true gnome Smoat, are at it again over at the BttS's RPing Logs. This time they've managed to escape the gatehouse by cunningly slipping out the front gate, hanging out at the 10th Pit bar to show what a groovy dancer Merj can be, and even met the dainty teifling Phona! As we leave they've managed to accidentally portal off to Dis, what will happen when we next see are barmy heroes? Will they overthrow the fiends, face the hordes of Baator, or just hang out and drool? We'll see, next time on BttS! Now go check out the log, cutter!


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All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.