What's all this barmy stuff?
Want to find out what has been forgotten in the Styx?
Not enough barminess for you?
Faces of Barmies V
Nothing is quite as barmy as a portrait from a Xaositect,
so we gave them some finger paint to keep them busy and sketched these
drawings our barmy selves.
"Sar" Devaden Chasm (upper left) (Pr / Human / Pl 6 / LG) A prime from some crystal sphere or another, no one knows which one but he does scream about blasted gnomes in his sleep, Devaden ended up on the planes in very bizarre circumstances - no google-eyed fiends, no occult gateways, no amusing slipping on a banana and falling into a portal - nope, he just walked there. At least that's how he tells it. And so he came to Sigil, walked he says right into town, and came upon a group of knights he saw as a disgrace to all knights and holy orders everywhere, and if their god, Post, wasn't going to do anything about it, he was. And so the Knights of the Post in the cage - thieves, spivs, and conny-catchers all - found themselves being turned into a rag bag of knights by the charismatic, and quite barmy prime. He made them shave off their spiny haired chins and wash off their tattoos, he made them wear nice shiny spiky mail suits with an engraved post on the front, and most of all he made them salute and call him "Yes, Sar!" So, the only question now is, somewhere on the planes, does a gnarled and old post rise, a barmy god born of belief?
Elizinda (upper center) (Pl / Ghaele Eladrin / F4 / Xaositects / CG ) A serious Xaositect, if there is such a thing, she joined the ranks after many years fighting Evil in the name of Good, because Evil is Bad, and Good is Up. She went a bit barmy though after a fiend finally skewed her the wrong way - a grinning tanar'ri merchant sold her an "amusing toy device to delight all ages" that about put her bloody eye out. Since then Elizinda has joined the Xaositects, shuffled into the position of 'Big Bossette', and is trying to build to chaosmen into a house of cards, wait, no, after they all fell down from that idea, she decided to bring the Xaositects philosophy back home to Arborea, at least the fluffy, bizarre, artistic side of the faction, as she bangs the head of anyone who even suggests starting a riot for fun. She'll wear a veil of a straight face and furrowed eyes, even as she idly places green fluff in a berks hair and paints a blue mustache on his face. Once she finally brings the joy of fluff, innocence, and shiny chaos to the upper planes, she plans on heading down to the lower planes and spreading some fluff there too, to make the whole multiverse nice and chaotically fluffy.
The Named One (upper right) (Pl / Cambion / B2 / Xaositects / CE) Originally a small, whimpering, and very sneaky cambion that was born on the Gray Waste, he was taken in by a friendly old Night Hag. There, he grew up and learned to sing, with such favorites as "Oi 'aint a Bloody Sloibbering Fiend, Oh Oi 'aint a Bloody Sloibering Fiend" and "Niwty Aight Re' and Blu' Slaahd 'at 'ta Door". However he once tried to charm a succumbus and an erinyes with his beautiful voice at the same time, and needless to say when the two fiends learned about it they put aside their lawful and chaotic tendencies and both got together to do evil things to him. Fleeing to Sigil with nothing but a pet larvae for a friend and squishy pillow, he did everything he could to forget his past, from gulping styx water, holy dunking on a festival day, and just beating his head against the wall. Thus, this is how he came to join the Xaositects, where he hit on the brilliant idea of going around and asking people "Whats' moi bloody name, 'utter?" until he got a new one for that day, or hour before peak, or until he got bored. So far he's been "Sod" six hundred and fourty three times.
Zauts (lower left) (Pl / Boggle / Xaositects / CN ) A Limboian Boggle, not much is known about this little critter besides the fact that his ansectory dates back to the prime, before whatever created him decided that Limbo was the place to be. Growing up on Limbo, and the few encounters with hungry slaad that ate him and then boggled as their tummies got bigger as the little critter expanded larger and larger, he was always known as a good person to hang around, what with all the slaadi confetti bits swarming around. When he grew up, well, when he got old enough, he was allowed to tumble off too the big Cage, and see what he could make of himself. Now, through amazing circumstances that involve a bottle, three sticky 'leths, and a bumper shoot, he's the official unofficial part-time bodyguard of Factol Karan. Throwing himself into danger at the slightest whim, he has puffed himself as an airbag to stop a pony cab that was about to slide into the beloved factol, and that famous picture of Karan jumping out a window, yup, it was a stretched Zaut that he bounced off of.
Cleyo (lower right) (Pl / Medusa / Xaositects / N) Cleyo is a little Medusa child born on the Waste and shipped to Sigil to be the apprentice to a homemaker in a house of Xaositects. Her definition of "clean" could best be translated as "stationary" - packs of cranium rats invading the little girl's territory to cause trouble at tea parties and such have been cleaned up without more than a quirked eyelid, and a stoney gaze. A quiet little girl given over to fits of the giggles, when Cleyo isn't cleaning up after her rather dirty masters, she can be found in her room with her little violin - playing for the appreciation of her constantly dancing snakes. With attitudes completely of their own, visitors to the household are often told not to pet or feed them, lest they deal with whatever the bizarre concequences might be.
As the snows covered the Hive, the philosophical winter making sods more likely to share a warm blanket then argue the point of existence, in a ramshackle place just past the Gatehouse, sit and write, their ink frozen and warmed by an old candle, the members of the Barmy Shorts Company. And though the ice falls outside, they've come forth with a tale to delight even the bleakest of barmies or crossed xaositect. Take a gander then as you curl up for this winter at the Xaos Jingle.
What this? What happened to the last week of Decadre? Well cutter, looks like the Doomguard's month got cut short, how fitting, as the ever chaotic month of the Xaosmen moves in. Bizarre eh? That's the way they like it. We barmies just shrug and grin madly, it's only so often when a sodding silly month like this comes around. And surprise, surprise, the new month rolls in with another batch, deep fried, of the Stuffed Slaadi newsrag.
t truly told, those are all unreliable, and whats more, truly define boring. So where does a barmy like me turn for his news? Why, the Stuffed Slaadi of course, the only paper straight out of Xaos, the gatetown that is. Written out whatever the residents decide to put it on, once even tattooing it on the back of a bariaur, and on a precise time table of whenever they fill like putting out an issue.
All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.